my heart is on a pendulum tonight
by ninejs
Summary: For a prince, he's certainly terrible at expressing himself, both in person and on paper. But, luckily, when it comes to this, he finds he doesn't need to. —shiro/siegbert


**originally written 5/17/16. moved 5/7/17.**

 **to preserve the original note:**

 **i originally wrote this in may 2016, only a few months after the release of revelation, and at that point, a spoiler warning was still necessary for two things: the final boss of the game, and the final fate of the avatar/corrin (although this is a very small, passing mention, it's still there). at this point in time, i think all of you already know all about that stuff.**

 **shiro's mother is mentioned, although she is left ambiguous. ten points if you can guess who she is, i guess. it's not easy! there's plenty of characters in the game who have trouble expressing their emotions (see: all of them).**

 **title from "today i saw the whole world" by pierce the veil. back when i first wrote this, misadventures had recently come out. still love that album, listen to it if it's up your alley.**

* * *

The pen in his hand feels like it weighs as much as the weapons he uses in battle.

His mind can't seem to think of a single thing to write. He has several starting words crossed out, unsure of what to even refer to the other boy as. It's like his mind is stuck in quicksand, and his hand is stuck to a tree, unable to help get his mind out of the predicament.

 _Thunk_.

That's the sound of his head hitting the table in defeat.

How does his dad even do this so _effortlessly_? And with the way his mother swoons over them (and dangles them in front of him like some sort of unattainable prize), they've got to be successful... Which means his dad is a _good_ writer, on top of being able to actually get words on paper. (That's a double whammy. Damn his stupid, talented father.)

And here he sits, in silence, struggling to even _start_ a simple letter.

Shiro tells himself it's not the writing itself, it's the weight of it. With Anankos defeated, Valla freed, Corrin crowned, and peaceful relations between Nohr and Hoshido restored, it's time to go home, soon. The past few days have either been full of festivities to celebrate Valla's new big cheese, and people planning on what to do now that the war is over.

And unlike the others, Shiro is a prince. He knows exactly where he's going, and how much time he has to say goodbyes to a certain other prince.

(And it's not a lot of time.)

The panic that spread through him when he realized he had yet to say what he wanted to alarmed him. Shiro isn't good at speaking about his feelings, so he thought he'd try it through writing - and, as it appears, his lack of linguistic knowledge also means... he's not the most prolific writer.

Scratch that, he _sucks._

But he just doesn't know how else to convey the depth of his care for his friendship with Siegbert. Siegbert speaks like a prince should, using big, elegant words, and is able to convey what he means without thinking about it at all. He's so open when he speaks to Shiro, about everything from the weather to how much their friendship means to him.

And because of that, Shiro feels compelled to say it back - to let Siegbert know that Shiro values their relationship, too. He's barely spoken of it, growing embarrassed and uncomfortable when it was brought up (like usual... but Gods, he hates talking about the heavy things, and _this_ , for sure, is one of them). He's danced around the subject so much that now, with the conflicts they've been facing resolved, he knows it's time to buckle down and get serious before he has to say goodbye to the other prince.

He tried a few times before to speak to Siegbert about it, but failed horrifically when he realized he didn't know what to say. He thought about asking his mom for advice, but stopped himself when he realized that she has as many issues speaking of her emotions as he does. And he wouldn't ask his dad about this, just because he couldn't bear even the _thought_ of entrusting the man with his silly, complicated feelings.

Yikes.

Letting out a sigh and resting his head on his hands, Shiro set the materials aside. It was clear he was getting nowhere, and it was also becoming clear to him that he was never going to get anywhere.

He sat in self-pity for several minutes, trying to come up with a new plan, before a knock sounded on the door of the room he had shut himself away in. Letting out another uncharacteristic sigh, he slowly pulled his head out of his arms in order to speak.

"Come in!" he called out, loud enough so that whoever was behind the heavy door could hear him.

"There you are, Shiro! I was hoping to find you this morning-" upon looking over at the young prince after he _slammed_ his head back down on the desk, Siegbert cut himself off, "Oh? Is something the matter?"

"Nah, everything's just fine!" Shiro grumbled from his position, head laying on top of his folded arms.

Siegbert's eyes narrowed at the poorly told lie, but upon hearing the tone of Shiro's voice, decided not to speak up on it. "Well, alright. If you say so."

As Shiro twiddled with his thumbs on top of the desk, Siegbert let out a loud sigh of his own, "Why don't you come get something to eat with me?" upon the lack of response, Siegbert amended his question, "I believe there's a place around here serving chicken that's supposed to be quite delicious."

Shiro still said nothing, apparently lost in thought. Siegbert grew even more worried - the more he got to know the other boy, the more exposed he had been to the prince's love for chicken...

Siegbert tapped the Hoshidian prince's head lightly in frustration to snap him out of his time-consuming thoughts. "What's wrong?"

Shiro blinked, taking a deep breath before embarking on a large rant - "Listen, I just really wanted to tell you that our friendship means as much to me as it does to you and I couldn't figure out how to tell you so I tried to write you a letter but I'm a _terrible_ writer, as terrible as I am with speaking about my feelings, which you know I'm terrible at because we're friends and I told you about it and I just didn't know how else to say this, and... yeah."

He turned his head away, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, while the prince of Nohr blinked in shock, then confusion, and finally understanding - in fact, at the third blink, a smile had formed onto his face, along with a small, telltale blush.

"I'm flattered that you went through all this trouble just to tell me that, but you didn't have to. I know that you value our relationship as much as I do - you haven't told me in so many words, but, as you said, you're not like that, and it's alright."

Shiro's shoulders slumped on his exhale of relief, and then rose back up when he pulled the other prince up into a bone crushing hug. Siegbert was pretty sure he had been lifted off the ground (Shiro and his ungodly strength that he was sometimes so unaware of) and struggled in his arms.

"I think you're crushing my ribs, Shiro! Would you let me go?" Siegbert yelled, squirming as his face reddened even more.

Shiro relaxed his tight grip on the boy, but shook his head, huge smile unwavering, "Never!"

Once Siegbert heard the statement, he gave up struggling and instead relaxed in the hug, even going so far as to make a weak attempt to hug the other boy back which made Shiro's smile grow to blinding levels of pure happiness.

And with that, he slowly let the other boy out of his arms, placing him down gently once he realized he had actually lifted the other prince. Shiro giggled a little nervously, rubbing the back of his neck once again.

"Sorry, I uh... guess I got a little carried away."

"That's quite an understatement," Siegbert said, voiced laced heavily with sarcasm, despite the smile on his face.

"Listen, I'm..." Shiro looked back at Siegbert, the embarrassed neck rubbing stopped and replaced with a serious, almost uncharacteristic stillness, "I'm really glad you know that I value _this_ as much as I do."

The _this_ had been heavy, and Shiro had even reddened while saying it. Siegbert himself couldn't stop himself from getting nervous at the prospect of Shiro labelling it as anything other than friendship. But all the prince of Nohr did was nod in response, smiling at the other boy.

"Yes, well, it's not hard to tell. I'd like to think I've gotten... pretty good at reading you."

A thick silence followed in which the two princes stared at one another, suddenly unsure of what to do or say. The tension in the room was fueled by Shiro's ambiguous implication of their relationship, and Siegbert thought that the other boy might kiss him if he didn't look away.

Not that he would have _minded_ , but...

That kind of action would make him nervous, fill them with a heavy burden, and on a day like today, when they would only be-

Oh.

His thoughts had been stopped by exactly what he was thinking about.

The weight of it was not heavy with burdens, with princes who were leaving each other within the next day or so, but filled instead with boys, alone in a room, speaking of feelings. What they had been, without the titles.

And it was... nice. (Gods, Siegbert thought, he kissed my vocabulary away. Then, he blushed, trying to get the thoughts to go away because just _what_ was he even telling himself?)

"Now, you said something about chicken, right? Let's get going!"

The pull away was as abrupt as the kiss had been, and Siegbert wanted to protest, to suggest that they had things to talk about, but he shook his head, a smile forming - there was no way Shiro was going to want to talk about _more_ feelings after he had been attempting to poor his heart out to him for the rest of the morning. So, instead, he nodded, buying into the other boy's attempt to blow away any tension.

"Yes, it's just in town. Nina was telling me about it earlier."

Shiro took Siegbert's hand in his own, but then his face darkened, "That's right, Nina! If we're gonna walk to town like this, we better stay away from her... I'm afraid she might explode out of excitement over the fact that she knows two guys who like each other like that..."

Siegbert smiled softly at Shiro's explanation - two guys who like each other like that. It was simple and worded almost awkwardly, but Siegbert knew what he meant, and once again, he knew just how Shiro felt about him.

It was a comforting thought, especially as Shiro listed off several ways to avoid Nina. But it didn't matter to Siegbert. They'd be together, for now, and let the hard parts come later.


End file.
